The first day of the rest of my life

how do i say goodbye to what we had, its seem next to impossible but here i am, faced with what i feared the most us being over.  I cant eat cant sleep cant breathe the same.  Everything i thought is now in question.  there is no place to hide, everything and everywhere reminds me of you, of us of what we once were and what we could have been.

 

My heart hurts it literally aches wondering when the pain will subside.  I am experiencing small moments of eternity.  Tiny sharp blades piercing my heart.  I am feeling every memory rush through me wanting today to me my yesterday but yesterday is gone and now there is only today and what i fear will be tomorrow.

 

When is love ever right for you to me it seems like it is always wrong , wrong and harsh, harsh and spiteful restricted not free.  Right now it seems as if I am frozen in time, there is no space and no distance the clock wont tick, the clock wont tick.  How I long to hear a tock to remind me that this too like time will pass but the clock wont tick and these are moments without seconds or minutes or hours just tiny fragments of eternity every breath harsher than the last one.

 

If only I could breathe again smell the flowers outside see the four walls as walls not as a prison that I am unable to free myself from.  I am tired and I am weary, I am flat and broken into pieces.  I  have my freedom now you no longer hold my air yet i cant remember what was it that made me feel trapped, what was it that made me bang on the walls of us, the walls of where we were trying to be; the wall of the place that we have danced to so many times watching  from a distance while feeling so up close.

 

there was suppose to be a space carved out in the universe for just us, one that we could always run back to and be safe one which we would always allow each other to reach the other, now that space seems non existent that space seems dark, that space i dont know if i only could imagined.

 

love is not easy but is it suppose to hurt, is this how it feels when part of you die slowly you can t eat you cant breathe you cant do anything but just hope for the tick and the tocks of a clock which froze time and pain locked in one strand.